CoffeeFitnessUnicorn Gets Spooky
Dark Stories and Other Oddities
This is where my day job meets my love of the macabre, the weird, and the odd.
As a Technical Writer, brevity is key, but I fear that if I told my coworkers I wrote flash horror for fun, they might look differently, so I share my spooky, weird, and odd stories here.
Before CoffeeFitnessUnicorn.com I had two other websites: Coffee-Musings.com and Spooky-Musings.com.
When I first started blogging I was terrified to share my words and then was terrified I would terrify my coffee fans if they read my horror stuff, so I opted for two separate pages and two separate groups to engage with.
Now I am updating all my works onto one website because maintaining 3 pages is terrifyingly crazy.
Welcome to the CoffeeSpookyUnicorn 😉
Flash and other stuff
My stories come from various forms of inspiration.
Some come from pain, sadness and suffering.
Sometimes my own, sometimes Weltschmerz, sometimes Schadenfreude.
I never know where or when inspiration will hit me, I just hope that I can capture whatever floats through my head and share it with you
Ka-thunk. – Splat! Oops! I didn’t realize I was speeding. Damn it; I hit one of those bloody speed bumps again. They leave such a mess on the car, letting everyone “I was speeding through the neighborhood.”
I gotta remember – drive slower, the bodies splatter for a reason.
How to Cure a Child from…
How to Cure a Child from:
Picking His/Her Nose:
Insert one preserved dead finger into preferred nostril. (That should do the trick). Sucking His/Her Thumb:
Cut off preferred thumb, preserve with formaldehyde, and let them wear it around their neck, exposing the fact that they have finally broken the habit.
Yeah Sally! What a big girl you are now!
How to Cure a Child from:
Making fun of a person who is different or has a disability:
If the person is a dwarf, midget or little person:
Chop off the child’s legs at the knees to let them know how it feels to be short.
If the person is in a wheelchair:
Chop off the child’s legs completely so they know how it feels.
If the person is mentally challenged:
Smash in the child’s head on one side.
If the person is a burn victim:
Light the child on fire and see how they like it.
If the person is a bald-headed cancer patient:
Shave the child’s hair completely bald, insert IV’s and make them sit for 6 hours in a treatment chair. Susie won’t point and laugh anymore.
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Those darn kids, they should really leave me alone to grow my roses and tomatoes. I get such lovely colors and the juicy flavor, mmmmm, I love my ‘maters.
Red and plump, (kind of like those kids).
But, when I think about it, if it weren’t for those meddling children, I would not have such delicious fruit or the most beautiful blooms. I guess they come in handy for something.
A Little OCD Never Hurt Me
It’s kind of hard to brush your teeth, pick up a cup of coffee or type after you’ve completely chewed your fingernails off. I guess you could say I have a nervous habit.
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Serenity Prayer for a Serial Killer
The way of the knife, it is my only way of life
All night I carve, for fear my idle hands will starve.
The bleach and the acid – they know what I did.
I stand proud in the flood, knowing I am safe within the blood.
She Was Afraid
She was very afraid.
She was afraid to go to the sink after she turned on the water. She was afraid because the hairdryer was next to the sink. She needed to wash her hands, but the hairdryer was still plugged into the wall.
She nudged the electrical hazard with her elbow, far away from the running faucet.
She pushed it farther away from her, then feeling safe, she finished washing her hands.
What was she so afraid of? Why was she terrified of the hairdryer?
She was afraid her wife would try to help her, nudge her to come to the other side.
She had been alone for a few months now and she was adjusting to the new solitary life in their house. This house was the place that made both of them feel safe and happy.
Only now, since her wife had passed, she wasn’t feeling so safe. She felt vulnerable. She was afraid she would fall down the stairs if she went too fast with the load of laundry. She was a afraid that she would fall and hit her head or neck, paralyzing her. She was afraid to sleep without the alarm on (even though she lives in a safe area in Orange County, CA), she was afraid to shower without the alarm on.
She was becoming unstable. And she knew it. She didn’t tell her therapist because she knew they would put her on medication. She was afraid of being medicated.
She was afraid to choke while eating when she was alone.
She was letting her fears get the best of her. She knew that all these fears were her grief and sadness of her loss, but just because she was rational about somethings didn’t mean she couldn’t be irrational about others.
She was afraid to work through the fear.
She was fearful for the future.
She was scared and scarred.
The thoughts, they won’t stop!!! WTH, WTF!!
Relentless, driving! TeethGrinder!!
Beautiful noise, clinching, grinding. Embrace the sound. Embrace the pain.
Words, distracting words. Can’t make the brain shut the fuck up!!!
Haunting thoughts. Scary dreams. These are the thoughts that won’t stop. Grinding into my brain the things that I can’t say.
The FEARS! Scaring the shit out of me.
It woke me up, the dream where I got stung in the neck by a bee and had an allergic reaction, my throat closed up and I could not breathe!
Grind, clinch, grind.